Talk:Hayleys shock.

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If I may say so, this is a terrible example of an erotic story! Anyone reading this will immediately have all sorts of questions that are completely ignored in the course of the story. Among them would be:

• How old are the children? It makes a difference, since they don't appear to talk much different to the way a sixteen-year old would talk - and that is Hayley's age.
• In that case why did their mother ask HER to babysit?
• Why did the fifteen-minute journey take her only ten? What's the point of saying that?
• The article of clothing is called a "thong" not "thongs"
• Hayley is supposed to be babysitting, so when she discovers the children (if they are children) fucking she should not have stood by the door fingering herself, surely? Especially since Kathy obviously didn't like what Andy was doing. A 16yr old would not have enjoyed seeing it - and yet obviously the author thinks she should!!
• Silly things like "she went into Kathy's room AND STOOD IN THE DOORWAY - you can't do both!!!
• he calls her a dumb bitch (oh please say what age he is)
• Why should he have to get dressed to go to his room? that's what Hayley said!
• What on earth does she mean "going to see why he does that to you"?
• If he is sent to his room and she follows him straight in - why does he immediately start "wanking over some porno magazines"?
• the next bit of conversation is completely unbelievable. If he say he "doesn't give a shit" it's a bit unbelievable that a complete stranger like Hayley can make him change his mind and go to say he's sorry to his sister the next minute. No kids would act like that!!
• What phone number has she given to Kathy? what does she think that will do to stop what's going on
• And there's another complete change when, after waiting Kathy to sleep (and that's taken that it happens immediately too) he's back saying "Will you just fuck off"
• he's been wanking; she takes off her clothes, yet she then has to get him hard. If he's the dirty little fucker he's made out to be it would be in a continuous state of erection, wouldn't he?
• A boy would come immediately - not after five minutes
• another exact timescale - ten minutes of fucking and sucking, followed by half a minute of the hand job!
• And all that about Mrs Jones and getting Hayley to undress her - complete rubbish! t least we might have had some lesbian coupling!!!!

In other words the entire piece is utter rubbish: Made up as it went along and no checking to see if it made sense at the end. At the most 1 out 10 - for being able to type!!!! Wiki deserves better than this Pglen 12:43, 12 April 2007 (EDT)